Alphabet Soup: Baleful Nights
by Windfighter
Summary: The nights had always been kind to Emil, Lalli took comfort in that. But when they finally were safe Emil's dreams would no longer protect him.


My second entry to the Alphabet Soup Challenge, and yet another story about Lalli and Emil!

Warnings: uuuh... Mental illness I guess. Some hugging. Weird English probably. I still can't warnings.

Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

Sometimes during the nights, when he had not been scouting, Lalli had watched Emil sleep. Emil was a heavy sleeper, he had learned early in the expedition. Quiet too. He never moved, never made any sounds. Lalli found it weird, hypnotizing. After Tuuri told him a little about Emil's life before the expedition he found it even weirder. Emil had always been sheltered, protected from everything that was wrong in the world. Interestingly enough he had managed to stay sheltered even after his rich life was over, even after he joined the Cleansers.

Until the giant on the train. Emil had been terrified after the encounter and Lalli had expected him to sleep badly after it, but no. Emil had fallen asleep, quietly, and Lalli had laid awake, listened to the Swede's even breathing. It had been unnerving in the beginning, but after a couple of weeks he had gotten used to it, he had started relying on that calmness during the nights. No matter what happened Emil was always safe in his dreams.

Lalli let out a sigh, pulled his fingers through Emil's hair. Emil's face was tense and he pulled away from Lalli's touch and Lalli placed his hand on Emil's shoulder instead. Emil's eyes flew open and he settled up, instinctively reached for the weapon he no longer had near since they were in safety now and Lalli pulled away. Emil breathed heavily, his eyes scanned the room, fell on Lalli, fell on Tuuri and Onni who were stirring in their sleep.

"Again?" Onni muttered when he noticed Emil and Lalli wanted to defend his friend, but he had no explanation to offer. Instead he just nodded, patted Emil's pillow. Emil's eyes focused on him, started dropping and Lalli patted the pillow again.

"Sleep."

The Swedish still felt weird in his mouth, but Emil smiled and laid down again. Lalli waited, knew he should go to sleep as well, but he couldn't. Emil's breathing was already getting shorter, his hands kept moving nervously. Ten minutes later he sat up again, a short cry escaped his lips and once more he reached for his knife. A pillow hit Emil's face.

"For Kokko's sake, some of us are trying to _sleep_ here!" Onni yelled.

Lalli knew Emil hadn't understood Onni's words, but he knew Emil wouldn't go back to sleep. Two tries, that was all he gave himself. It was the same every night, ever since they came back from the Silent World and the nightmares had started. Lalli slid down under Emil's bed, listened as the other fought to stay awake, listened to his attempt to pretend to sleep. Tuuri and Onni fell back to sleep quickly and Lalli wanted to let Emil know he was there, let him know he wasn't alone, but he couldn't.

Emil almost fell asleep, sat up, laid down again, before finally leaving the bed and sneaking out of the guest room. Lalli looked at the door, considered following him, but didn't. Not this night, not any of the former nights, and probably not any of the following nights either. He could hear Emil's steps in the stairs and then everything was quiet. Lalli closed his eyes, tried to sleep, but couldn't. He tried relaxing to the sound of Onni and Tuuri sleeping, but neither of them were as still as Emil was. Had been. Lalli didn't know what had changed. They were safe, back with Emil's family. By all reasoning Emil's nights should have been even calmer now.

And yet, this kept happening. Onni kept complaining to Lalli about how Emil would keep the rest of the household from getting any rest. Lalli never answered. He didn't know what Onni wanted to hear, didn't know if he could help Emil. Emil didn't seem to want any help anyway, even though Lalli was sure he suffered the most from it.

An hour before sunrise Emil returned. He quietly got back into his bed, pulled the cover over himself. Lalli listened to his every movement, his every sigh. At sunrise the household slowly started waking up. Lalli hid under his cover, pretended to still be asleep when they tried to wake him up and then he was alone in the room. Emil had also left, joined the others for breakfast, and Lalli climbed into Emil's bed, felt around in it, but nothing felt wrong. The bed wasn't what kept Emil from sleeping.

Lalli spent most of the day sleeping in Emil's bed. He had woken up for lunch, eaten a little, listened as Emil played with his cousins. Something in Emil's steps sounded off, Lalli could hear him getting tired even quicker than the day before and then he fell asleep again. He woke up as evening rolled around, joined the others for dinner and watched as Torbjörn, Taru, Onni and Tuuri played card games.

When night time rolled around he followed the others to the guest room, took his place beneath Emil's bed again. Emil didn't fall asleep. Lalli laid awake, listened as Emil moved around in the bed. Emil's head came into view and Lalli quickly closed his eyes, pretended he was asleep, but when he heard the door open and close again he gave up. He sat down in Emil's bed, pulled at the cover and scooped it up in his arms. He should go after Emil, try to make the other get some sleep, but instead he put the cover down again, looked through the window. Maybe it was the street lamps that kept Emil from sleeping, but Lalli didn't think so. Growing up in Sweden must have made Emil used to them.

Lalli laid down in the bed, looked at the ceiling. Tried to remember when exactly it had started, but couldn't pinpoint it. There had been some unease in Emil's sleep already in Iceland, but back then he had still gotten a few hours of sleep each night. Not enough, but far better than the few minutes he managed to catch nowadays. Lalli let out a sigh. Was there even something he could do?

A scream echoed through the house, the sound of glass breaking and Lalli leaped out of the bed, rushed through the door and down the stairs into the kitchen. Emil's chest rose and sank quickly, his eyes were glued to the counter top, which was covered in glass and blood and Lalli froze, couldn't bring himself to rush to Emil's side. Siv gently pushed him away, went up to Emil, but Emil's eyes rested on Lalli.

"There was a vätte", he said.

Emil's voice was weak, panicked, shaky and filled with questions he wanted Lalli to answer, but Lalli couldn't. There was no vättar in Mora, it was safe here. Siv led Emil to the table, managed to get him to sit down and Lalli got the movement back in his legs, sat down by the table himself. Emil didn't look at him and Lalli watched as Siv pulled pieces of glass out of Emil's hand, watched as Emil barely flinched as she was doing it. Siv hmmed slightly as she cleaned the wounds.

"You need stitches for this."

Emil shook his head, started getting out of the chair, but Siv pressed him back down.

"Torbjörn, be a dear and bring the first aid-kit."

Lalli tried catching Emil's eyes, but Emil still refused to look at him. Lalli moved, sat down next to Emil and leaned closer, but noticed how Emil tensed up and pulled away again. He started fixing Emil's hair, but his touch made Emil shut his eyes and lean down, cowering, and Lalli stopped.

"Emil..."

Siv wrapped Emil's hand and smiled at Lalli.

"Don't worry, I'll take him to the hospital to get him fixed up, you go back to sleep again."

Lalli wanted to yell, tell her it wouldn't be enough, couldn't she see that Emil was hurting, but he nodded and she pulled at Emil's arm. Emil got up, followed her and Lalli followed them to the door, watched Emil struggle with his shoes and his jacket. A struggle that was caused by more than his injured hand, but Lalli couldn't offer any assistance and then they were gone. Torbjörn ushered Lalli back upstairs and Lalli paused outside the guest room, took a deep breath before opening the door. His cousins looked at him, Tuuri motioned for him to sit down on her bed, but he stayed standing.

"What happened?"

Lalli didn't know what to answer. Emil's explanation had left him with more questions than answers and he wasn't sure Tuuri or Onni would take it like he did. He glanced at his feet.

"Emil dropped a glass."

Onni shook his head, laid down again, but Tuuri kept peering at Lalli. Lalli kept looking away, pulled out his mattress from under Emil's bed and placed it by the door. If Emil returned before morning he wanted to be awake so he could be there for him. Tuuri laid back down as well and he listened as the others went back to sleep, listened to any sounds from the door. A couple of hours later Onni and Tuuri woke up again and Lalli followed them down for breakfast. He occupied the couch after that, almost fell asleep but kept listening to the sounds of Emil's return. One hour went by, two, three. Lalli could hear Onni yelling at the kids on the upper floor and changed his position on the couch. Tuuri and Taru was talking about their trip back to Finland, Lalli heard them saying they would leave in just seven days. Was he ready for that?

Lalli rolled over to his back, looked at the ceiling. Torbjörn's steps echoed from the stairs, he stopped by and said something to Lalli, but Lalli couldn't understand, didn't want to understand and Torbjörn went into the kitchen instead, started preparing lunch. Lalli couldn't eat, he glanced nervously at the clock every other minute. Three. Three thirty. Four.

At five the door opened and Lalli left the couch, hurried to meet them. Siv smiled at him, patted his shoulder and hurried inside. Emil stood in the door and Lalli went up to him, pulled at his sleeve to get him to enter so he could close the door. Emil didn't move, his eyes glued to something behind Lalli and Lalli looked, but couldn't see anything.

"Emil?" he tried.

Emil closed his eyes, shook his head and looked behind Lalli again. Lalli waited, moved his weight from his left foot to his right and then back again.

"Emil, come in", he begged.

Emil shook his head again, slowly moved his focus to Lalli, and Lalli looked at his friend, could finally take in his appearance. Emil looked worn. He had large bags under his eyes, his hair was dishelved and the clothes that used to fit him perfectly now hang loose. Lalli walked closer, placed a hand on Emil's back.

"I'm crazy."

Emil's words were barely audible, but Lalli's stomach turned itself into a knot and he grabbed Emil's arm with his free hand.

"Not crazy."

Emil leaned his head against Lalli's shoulder and Lalli tensed up, made a new attempt to get Emil inside.

"It's alright, you can say it."

"Not crazy", Lalli repeated. "Just tired. Come."

Emil finally allowed Lalli to lead him inside and Lalli closed the door, pulled off Emil's coat and pushed him into a chair so he could help him with the shoes. Emil leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes, but opened them again. Lalli debated with himself about whether to leave Emil there or lead him up to the guest room where he could rest more comfortable, but before he could make a decision Torbjörn arrived and pulled Emil out of the chair.

"I heated up some leftovers, Siv told me you didn't eat anything today."

Lalli followed them to the kitchen, leaned against the door frame. Torbjörn put a plate infront of Emil, before returning to a whispering conversation with Siv. Lalli didn't try to listen, he knew he wouldn't understand, but he could see the small container in Siv's hand, heard it clatter as she moved it. Some type of pills he guessed, and he watched Emil instead, saw how Emil poked at the food, took a couple of bites and then pushed the plate away. Lalli sank down by the table, pushed the plate back towards Emil.

"Eat."

Emil shook his head and Lalli noticed his cheeks getting greener.

"I can't", Emil glanced at the food, but looked away again. "I just can't."

"You need."

Emil didn't answer, just pushed the plate away and rested his head against the table. Torbjörn and Siv stopped their discussion and Lalli got up again. Siv leaned down, whispered something and Emil shook his head again. Torbjörn said something, but Emil didn't move and Torbjörn pulled him up, led him away. Lalli made a move to follow them, but Siv stopped him.

"He needs to rest."

Lalli blinked, looked at Siv, looked at the stairs. Did she think he was stupid? That he didn't understand? He was the one who laid awake every night, listened as Emil fought not to sleep, listened as his mind plagued him. He stared at Siv. If someone didn't understand it was the one person who had just pulled Emil away from him. He pulled away from Siv, nodded. There wasn't anything he could say. She smiled at him and he tried to smile back, but couldn't. Instead he nodded again, went back to the living room. He heard Torbjörn yelling at the kids before he buried his face under a pillow.

Siv woke him up a couple of hours later and told him dinner was ready. Emil wasn't there and Lalli took his plate, went to the guest room and scratched at the door. He heard a thud on the other side and let out a sigh before opening the door. Emil laid on the floor, his legs tangled up in the cover and his hands searching for something. Lalli put the plate down, crouched infront of Emil.

"You slept?"

Emil's hands stopped moving and he looked at Lalli, blinked and shook his head. Lalli let out another sigh, helped Emil detangle himself from the sheet and sit up. Emil leaned against the bed and Lalli sat down beside him, saw how Emil scratched at his bandaged hand.

"Hurts?"

Emil shook his head, leaned against Lalli's shoulder.

"Got painkillers. Feels like..."

Emil didn't finish the sentence and Lalli frowned at how weak and tired his voice sounded. Emil started scratching again and Lalli grabbed his hand, held it so Emil couldn't hurt himself. It twitched slightly, but Lalli didn't let go.

"Try to sleep."

"mm..."

Lalli pulled at the cover he had released Emil from, carefully wrapped it around Emil using his free hand and then wrapped his arm around him. It didn't feel right, it went against everything he was comfortable with, but he could hear Emil's breathing getting more even, more relaxed, and he leaned his head against the bed, closed his eyes.

"nn"

Lalli blinked, uncertain about how much time had passed. Emil moved, pressed closer to Lalli.

"mr. nej. n. ah."

Lalli let go of Emil's hand and shook him gently. Emil's eyes flew open, he pulled away. Lalli saw panic in Emil's eyes and made a move to follow and Emil screamed, his hand collided with Lalli's face and Lalli pulled back, Emil cursed and the door flew open. Lalli turned towards it, lifted his hand and placed it where Emil had hit him and Onni's eyes widened. Lallli tried to protest as his cousin rushed inside and pulled him away from Emil, but Emil got up, hurried past them and Lalli heard his steps on the stairs, tried to pull free from Onni's grip, but Onni wouldn't let go of him. Lalli stopped moving when he heard the door close and sank to his knees. Onni crouched infront of him, grabbed his chin and inspected the damage Emil had caused him.

"You're going to get a bruise."

"Don't care."

"I knew he was trouble, we shouldn't have stayed this long."

"We couldn't have taken an earlier boat, you know that", Tuuri commented.

She entered the room and Onni let go of Lalli's chin, still held a hand around his arm and Lalli looked at Tuuri, tried to somehow get all his feelings across to her so she could understand, but he didn't know how to do that. She sat down on Emil's bed, looked at him.

"What happened?"

"Bad dream. He didn't mean to."

Lalli looked at his hands and Onni let go of him, but Lalli didn't get up, knew Onni would stop him if he tried going after Emil and Tuuri placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Lalli? There's more to it than that, isn't it?"

Lalli looked at her, shook his head and let out a sigh.

"He can't sleep."

Lalli waited for understanding to come over Tuuri's face, instead she looked confused and Lalli started fiddling with his shirt. Onni crossed his arms over his chest and Lalli tensed up, knew what would come wouldn't be good.

"I don't want him near you."

Lalli didn't answer, didn't know what to say.

"Promise me."

Lalli couldn't, didn't want to, knew it was wrong. Yet he nodded. There wasn't any other option. Onni would grab him and Tuuri and leave if Lalli didn't agree. Lalli closed his eyes. Getting dragged away would make it harder for him to help Emil, but he didn't know how to help him anyway. He heard Onni leaving the room and opened his eyes. Tuuri slid down from the bed, sat down next to him.

"You're not really going to do that, are you?"

"Don't know."

"Because he probably needs you."

Lalli nodded, looked away.

"Do you want me to talk with him? Maybe I can get him to change his mind? He's just worried about you, you know."

Lalli shook his head and Tuuri placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezed it slightly.

"Just let me know if you need help."

She got up, left the room and Lalli looked at the cover next to him, pulled at it. He looked through the window. It had probably only been thirty minutes since he came up with dinner, which meant the had slept for about ten minutes. It was far from what Emil needed. He let go of the cover and stood up, picked up his plate and went down to the living room to eat the now cold food. He'd be able to see when Emil decided to return if he was there. It took a couple of hours, then the other came through the door. He looked at Lalli, then disappeared up the stairs. Lalli decided not to follow him, Onni was on guard up there, and he spent the rest of the evening watching Tuuri, Siv, Torbjörn and Taru play board games. He didn't go to the guest room until Tuuri and Onni did so, noticed that Onni had already moved his mattress as far away from Emil as he could. He glanced at Emil, but he had his face pressed against the wall and Lalli couldn't catch his eyes.

Onni's hand on Lalli's back forced him further into the room and he laid down on the mattress, buried himself under the blanket. He listened to the sounds of Onni and Tuuri falling asleep, considered sneaking over to Emil to see how he was doing, but he didn't. Emil probably didn't want to talk with him anyway, why else would he have disappeared as soon as he saw Lalli? Lalli looked towards Emil's bed. Emil had rolled himself into a ball, something Lalli had never seen him do before, and he had his hands pressed over his ears. Lalli's stomach twisted painfully, but he didn't move, didn't know what words of comfort he could offer the other.

Lalli laid awake the whole night, watched every tiny movement Emil made, listened to every sound he gave away. When morning came Onni pulled him up, forced him to come along downstairs for breakfast. Lalli couldn't eat. He poked at the food, waited ten minutes and then excused himself. He hurried up the stairs, four steps at the time, and rushed into the guest room. Emil closed the bag when Lalli entered, glanced nervously at him and scratched his hand. Lalli noticed that Emil's hand was bleeding again, the bandage was gone, and he took a step towards him.

"I'm going home", Emil said and picked his bag up. "Taking the first train."

Emil pulled his fingers through his hair, blood got caught in it, and Lalli took another step towards him. He desperately wanted to stop him, to clean the blood off him, tuck him in and get him to sleep. Emil took a step back, looked away.

"I... bye Lalli. I'll miss you."

Emil's voice cracked and pain rushed through Lalli's stomach. Emil was going to leave and there was nothing he could say, nothing he could do. He didn't know how. He took another step and Emil almost dropped his back, but took a tighter grip around it. Lalli stretched his hand towards Emil, but Emil stepped to the side, hurried around Lalli and left the bedroom and Lalli knew he should follow, knew he should stop him, but his legs didn't move, didn't want to carry him and he dropped to his knees. He listened to Emil's steps, heard him not saying good bye to the others and then he was gone. Just like that. Lalli leaned forward, fell to his side and rolled himself into a ball, pressed his hands against his ears. He didn't know how how much time had past, didn't know when he fell asleep, but when he was being shaken awake the sun shone brightly. He blinked, crawled into a sitting position and rubbed his eyes.

"How are you?"

Siv's voice. Lalli took a shaky breath.

"Emil..."

"That's my next question, but one question at the time. How are you? Do you understand?"

Lalli nodded, looked at his knees.

"Don't know."

"You looked like you were having a nightmare."

Lalli shook his head and Siv sat down beside him.

"Do you know where Emil is?"

"Home."

"He told you?"

Lalli nodded, clenched his hands.

"Met him. After breakfast."

"Alright, thank you."

She smiled at him, patted his shoulder and left him alone again. Lalli heard her steps in the stairs and slowly got up, leaned against the door frame. He heard her exchange a couple words with Torbjörn before heading to the phone and Lalli continued listening, needed to know what would happen.

"Hey, Helga."

Lalli wished he could hear what the person on the other end said. He moved closer to the stairs.

"Emil is on his way home, he left this morning. Mm. I am... You don't need... Helga, stop it, he has gone alone many times before. Mm. I know. Yes. I just wanted to... This is important."

There was a longer pause and Lalli started moving down the stairs. Onni yelled at the kids and Lalli didn't hear what was so important. The yelling stopped and he heard Siv's voice again.

"Call us when he gets there, okay?"

The call ended. Lalli hadn't heard the answer, but from Siv's lack of arguing he assumed it had been positive. He hesitated for a couple of seconds, then continued down the stairs. Siv looked confused when she saw him.

"I want to talk with him. When they call. Please."

"Of course", Siv smiled. "Don't worry about him, he's done the trip before. He'll be there before you know it."

Lalli nodded and Siv disappeared into the kitchen. Lalli hesitated, then decided to stay close to the phone and sank down in the couch in the living room. He wasn't aware about what everyone else was doing, didn't really care. He counted the seconds, the minutes, the hours. The phone didn't ring and the knot in his stomach kept growing. He should have stopped Emil, should have done something to help him. Then, shortly after Siv had put her kids to sleep, the phone rang. Torbjörn left to answer it and Lalli followed him, waited for the phone to be handed to him, but Torbjörn ended the call without giving Lalli a chance to talk with Emil. Lalli tilted his head, waited for an explanation, but Torbjörn frowned, picked the phone up and put it right back down again. Lalli took a step closer and Torbjörn turned around, pushed him out of the way and Lalli hesitated, looked towards the living room, towards the phone.

"I'll call the police."

Siv didn't look at him when she came up to the phone, didn't offer him any explanation. Lalli pulled at her sleeve, tried to get her attention, but she waved him off and he backed away.

"He took a train to Östersund this morning. No, he hasn't arrived yet. Of course he hasn't, he would have gone straight here if he did."

No. No, it couldn't be right. Lalli shook his head, pulled at Siv's sleeve again.

"Emil?"

Siv shook her head.

"We don't know", she said before returning to the phone. "I know about the 24-hour rule, but he's not well!"

Torbjörn came into the hallway as well, threw a coat to Lalli before grabbing his own.

"Come on, we're heading out."

Lalli looked back into the house, put his shoes and coat on and followed Torbjörn. Torbjörn walked faster than he had thought the old man capable of and he had to jog to keep up with him. He looked at Torbjörn, who kept looking around, trying to spot something.

"Emil never arrived", Torbjörn finally said when they reached the train station. "Helga went down to meet him, but he wasn't onboard any of the trains."

He spotted someone and left and Lalli looked around. Had Emil lied when he said he was going home? No, Lalli didn't think so. Something must have happened, something that stopped him from taking the train. He scratched his arm, scratched the back of his head and looked around. There wasn't any signs of Emil anywhere on the station and after a couple of minutes Torbjörn returned, motioned for Lalli to start walking again.

"He was here. He left when they closed for the night."

They walked towards the parts of Mora Lalli had not yet visited, the parts Emil had told him most people stayed away from. Lalli hadn't understood the reason, his Swedish hadn't been good enough.

"I don't even know where to begin looking", Torbjörn confessed and turned down a larger street. "Do you have any ideas?"

Lalli shook his head. Emil talked a lot, he loved the sound of his own voice, but it wasn't until now Lalli realized how little he _actually_ had said, how little Emil had told Lalli about himself. He looked around, thought about the expedition, tried to remember anything that could help the locate Emil, but the only thing he could remember was Emil's compassion. Torbjörn stopped, looked at a large building and Lalli shivered. The place felt cold, closed, like it would crush his spirit at any second and he pulled at Torbjörn's sleeve.

"Not here."

Torbjörn glanced at the building again, then nodded and continued walking. Lalli followed him, they kept walking for a couple hours and Lalli noticed Torbjörn getting more and more tired. Eventually Torbjörn stopped, turned towards Lalli and shook his head.

"It's too big for the two of us, we're not going to be able to find him like this. Let's head back home."

Lalli shook his head, took a step forwards, but Torbjörn grabbed his arm.

"We can't help him if we get exhausted. Let's go home and get some rest before going at it again a little more organized."

"But he's sick. What if..."

"He's not going to die."

Lalli could tell Torbjörn wasn't sure, could see that Torbjörn also doubted the safety of his nephew. Lalli clenched his hands, wanted to protest further, but something in Torbjörn's eyes made him nod instead. Torbjörn smiled at him, led the way home and Lalli followed him, kept looking for signs of Emil as they walked, but nothing. He clenched his hands inside his pockets, considered leaving to look for Emil himself, but he couldn't bring himself to it. When they reached the house Lalli hurried inside, threw his coat and boots to the side and rushed to the upper floor. Tuuri and Onni stirred in their beds and Lalli pulled at Onni's arm.

"Emil is missing."

"Good."

Onni made a move to lay down again, but Lalli pulled harder at his sleeve.

"He's _missing_. You have to help. We can't find him. Onni, please", he added when Onni rolled his eyes. "He's sick, anything can happen to him. He's my friend."

Onni grunted, but kicked off his cover, grabbed his kantele and sat down on the floor. Lalli placed himself on Tuuri's bed, gestured for his cousin to be quiet and then he watched as Onni called upon his luonto. It took twenty minutes, then Onni opened his eyes again, looked towards Lalli and shook his head.

"I couldn't locate him, I'm sorry."

"Did you even want to?"

"No, but I still did my best. Do not doubt me, Lalli."

Lalli looked away. Onni laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezed it.

"I am certain he will be alright. Don't worry."

"How can I not?"

Lalli pulled his knees to his chest, leaned his forehead against them. He could feel Tuuri and Onni exchanging glances, but there wasn't anything they could say. He wrapped his arms around his legs, hugged them and turned his head towards Tuuri.

"I just want him to be safe..."

"I know..."  
She sounded awkward and Lalli knew she wasn't used to him showing his emotions like that. _He_ wasn't used to it. He hugged his legs tighter.

"I just..."

"Lalli..." Tuuri laid a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be alright, Emil is tough. He did survive the Silent World, didn't he?"

Lalli hesitated, then nodded. Tuuri smiled.

"You just need some rest, your mind will be clearer after a couple hours of sleep."

Lalli thought about protesting, but he knew Torbjörn and Tuuri were correct, he would be able to help better if he didn't get himself exhausted in the process. He nodded, left Tuuri's bed and placed himself on Emil's instead. Onni wrapped a blanket around him and he buried his face in the pillow, certain he wouldn't be able to sleep. Eventually he did, but worry worked itself into his dreams and when Siv woke him up a few hours later he didn't feel rested.

"Breakfast is served", Siv said and Lalli could tell she had had trouble sleeping as well. "Torbjörn and Taru is heading out in an hour, to see if they can find him. You're all welcome to join if you want, ten eyes see more than four."

"You?" Lalli asked.

"I'm staying here in case he turns up."

Lalli nodded, got out of bed and changed into the scouting uniform he had worn during the expedition. He followed Tuuri and Onni to breakfast, barely managed to eat something, but was thankful that Tuuri wasn't chatting away like she usually did. Onni nodded at Lalli.

"We'll help you look."

"T... thanks."

Onni didn't say anything else, and then Torbjörn and Taru came inside and placed a map of Mora over the table. Lalli glanced at it, tried to memorize it. Torbjörn gestured at it.

"We're starting at the train station since we know he was there. Maybe we'll be lucky and he'll be back there when we come, but in case he's not Taru and I will cover this area. Onni, Tuuri, will you take this?"

Both of them nodded and Lalli looked at the unassigned area. It was the area he and Torbjörn had rushed through the day before and he nodded.

"I take here."

Emil had said to avoid it, so Lalli doubted Emil would be there, but Lalli moved faster than the others and could easily look through it in just an hour. Two if he ran into trouble. Torbjörn handed him a note with numbers written on them and he looked at the older man, tilted his head.

"Phone numbers", Torbjörn explained. "This one goes here and the second one is for emergencies. In case you need help."

"Try to call in every hour so I can keep you updated", Siv said as she entered the kitchen. "Even if you haven't found anything."

She handed Onni and Lalli a small bag of coins each, explained that they could use those for the payphones. Torbjörn rolled the map up again, kissed Siv's cheek and waved for them to get going. Lalli put the small bag in his pocket, followed the others as they hurried to the station. Lalli kept close to Torbjörn as he asked around, but everyone talked too quickly for Lalli to be able to understand. Somehow he managed to get that yes, Emil had been there the day before, that he had attempted to enter a couple of early trains, then spent the whole day on a bench until he did a new try with the last train. No one knew what happened after that. Torbjörn quickly briefed everyone on what they had found out and then Lalli took off. He didn't stop at the building Torbjörn had showed him the day before, didn't stop when he saw people moving in the shadows. Neither of them had Emil's spirit. He kept running, didn't let himself get distracted by anything.

"Wroff!"

Except by that. Lalli stopped. A large dog with yellowish fur was looking at him. Next to it sat an older man, who waved at Lalli. Lalli tilted his head, looked at them.

"Two younglings in a day, what do you say about that, Charlie?"

The man patted the dog, who barked again, and Lalli took a step towards them.

"Emil?"

"Nah, name's Harry. This here's Charlie."

"Other youngling, blonde? This tall?"

The man tilted his head, looked at Lalli and Lalli looked away, looked at the man again.

"Very tired. My age."

"Yeah, found 'im there", the man pointed towards the middle of the street. "Charlie did. Cold one he was, thought he dead. Charlie warmed 'im up. A screamer, that one. Woke the whole block."

"Nightmare", Lalli muttered.

"Musta been a bad one. Left this morning, said something about trains. Dunno where he went."

"Th... thanks."

"Good luck. Tell him hi from old Harry!"

Lalli nodded, started running back towards the station. He stopped when he passed a payphone, quickly told Siv what he had found before he continued. He searched the station, but couldn't find anything that suggested Emil had gone back there and he sank down on a bench, looked at his hands. His only clue had given him nothing, he had been running for almost two hours and he was certain he wouldn't find anything else even if he kept running the whole day. Emil had disappeared. He leaned back, looked at the ceiling and carefully touched the bruise Emil had given him. Was that the reason Emil had left, the reason Emil hadn't come back? Lalli knew it was. He looked at his hands again. Emil could be anywhere. He was scared, tired, confused and Lalli was pretty sure he suffered from hallucinations as well. Hallucinations which could have haunted him anywhere in Mora by now. Lalli let out a sigh and got back up. The only thing he could do was to keep searching.

So he did.

He ran back into the areas he'd been told to stay away from, went down any street he could find, then back to the station. He ran towards Tuuri and Onni's area, met his cousins after he had covered half of the streets and quickly exchanged news with them. Still no signs of Emil and he ran towards the last area.

"Lalli!"

Taru's voice and Lalli stopped, watched as Taru dragged Torbjörn in his direction.

"We were getting worried, Siv said you hadn't called in for a while now."

"Didn't find anything."

Lalli's breathing was short, he had trouble relaxing it long enough to get the words out and Taru raised an eyebrow, looked at him.

"Well, we have kind of good news if you're not too busy to hear them."

Good news? Lalli perked up, held his breath and clenched his fists. Please, let it be...

"We've found Emil."

Lalli closed his eyes, released his breath and fell to his knees. Emil was safe, Taru and Torbjörn had found him, there hadn't been any reason for him...

"They called from the hospital."

...to worry. Lalli opened his eyes again, looked at Taru and shook his head. Did she just say...

"He arrived there this morning", she offered him a hand, but he didn't accept it. "He wasn't able to answer any questions until about an hour ago, so they didn't know who he was. We're meeting up at the station to head there now, do you want to come?"

Did he want to... Lalli shook his head. What kind of question was that? Of course he wanted to see Emil. He got up from the ground, hurried back to the station. Siv was already there together with her three kids and Tuuri and Onni arrived just five minutes later. A few words were exchanged, then Taru, Onni and Tuuri took the kids and went back home while Lalli followed Siv and Torbjörn to the hospital. He clenched his hands and kept his eyes on his feet as they walked. What could have happened? Neither Siv nor Torbjörn said anything and Lalli kept imagining the worst. Maybe Emil was dying and this would be their last chance to see him. Lalli took a shaky breath. He wasn't ready to say good bye, his whole life had already been filled with them.

"No more", he whispered.

His eyes were getting wet and he pulled his hand over them. He could feel Siv and Torbjörn looking at him and he shook his head. Siv stopped, placed a hand on his shoulder and pulled him into a hug and Lalli tensed up, held his breath.

"It'll be fine, don't worry."

Everyone kept saying that, but Lalli had trouble believing it. What proof did they have? Emil was in the _hospital_. Siv let go of him, smiled.

"Come on now, he needs you."

Lalli nodded and they started walking again, reached a large blocky building and Lalli hesitated. The whole place reeked of death and suffering and it sent shivers down Lalli's spine. He hugged his hands. This wasn't a place people went to get better, it was a place you went to in order to die.

"Lalli?"

Lalli shook his head, tried to force his feet to move, but they wouldn't. All his senses yelled at him to run away, to get out of there before it took him too. He shook his head again, looked towards Torbjörn, who was staring right back at him. Torbjörn's spirit was always stressed, even more so right now, but there was still something calm over it and Lalli focused on it, let the hospital disappear from his mind. Movement returned to his legs and he followed them inside, tried to ignore everything that was screaming at him. Siv stopped by a desk, asked for directions and the led Lalli and Torbjörn through the corridors.

"He's in here", she said and stopped outside a door.

Lalli knew he should wait, that he should let Siv and Torbjörn see him first. They were his family after all. Yet he pushed past the older man, opened the door and enter the room before the other two. He stopped in the middle of a step. Emil was sitting on the bed, his head wrapped in bandages and resting on his knees. He had his arms wrapped loosely around his legs, like he wanted to comfort himself but lacked the strenght to do it. Lalli slowly went up to the bed, placed his hand on Emil's shoulder. Emil didn't move and Lalli sat down on the edge of the bed.

"How... how are you?"

Emil's body shook, but he didn't answer. Lalli hugged his shoulder, took a few short breaths and placed his other hand over Emil's.

"What happened?"

Emil moved. His movements were slow and it took him forever to turn his face towards Lalli.

"Lalli..."

Emil's voice was tired, weak, his eyes barely open and Lalli moved again, sat on top of the bed turned towards Emil. Emil's right hand had been bandaged up again, as had his left arm. Lalli grabbed Emil's left hand, leaned closer to his friend.

"We'll get you out of here."

"...I'm tired..."

"I know. I'm sorry I haven't helped, I'll do better."

"my head..."

"Yes", Lalli laughed nervously. "It looks like you've hit it."

"...hurts..."

Emil closed his eyes again and Lalli squeezed his hand.

"I know. It'll feel better soon, okay?"

"don't know..."

"No no, it will, don't worry."

"a horse."

"...What?"

"There was a horse..."

Emil's breathing got slower and Lalli looked at him, waited. His hand started twitching and Lalli hugged it tighter. The door opened, Siv and Torbjörn entered the room and Emil screamed, his eyes flew open and his body tensed up. Lalli let go of Emil's hand, moved back and Emil opened his mouth, leaned forward. His whole body shook and yellow liquid ran from his mouth, splashed over the hospital gown he was dressed in and Lalli looked towards Siv, backed further away. It stopped as quickly as it had started and Emil closed his eyes again, leaned his head on his knees. Siv sank down next to him, pulled him into a hug.

"He got kicked by a horse", she whispered to Lalli. "He can come home today, but we need to keep an eye on him."

She stroke Emil's hair, waited. After half a minute he turned towards her and she grabbed a paper towel from the table next to the bed, dried off any remaining vomit from his face.

"Ready to head home?"

Emil didn't answer at first and Lalli moved closer, was about to repeat the question when Emil finally nodded. Torbjörn left the room again and Siv started removing the gown from Emil. She gestured towards a suitcase next to the bed and Lalli got up, looked through it and found a sweater and a pair of pants that he gave to Siv. She started dressing Emil and Lalli had to look away, couldn't stand to see how helpless Emil was. His cheeks burned as he looked through the window and he turned back, helped Siv. He quickly gave up asking Emil for assistance since they were already helping Emil with something else when he finally reacted. When Emil was dressed the door opened again and Torbjörn returned, together with a nurse. The nurse helped Emil over to a wheelchair, because "safety", and Lalli grabbed Emil's bag, followed the nurse. He kept a close eye on the man to make sure he didn't do anything to make Emil worse. Once they got outside Torbjörn gestured to a carriage pulled by a horse.

"I ordered a ride for us!"

Lalli looked suspiciously at it, but before he was able to form a protest the nurse and Torbjörn had already gotten Emil into it. Siv and Torbjörn placed themselves next to Emil and Lalli took a deep breath before jumping on and placing himself opposite to Emil. Emil was pale, his eyes were still closed and he leaned against Siv's shoulder. Lalli clenched his hands and looked at his knees. The wagging movement of the cart made him feel nauseous and he tried looking out over the city to calm it, but it didn't help much. The ride took half an hour and Lalli spent most of that time wondering if it would kill him or Emil first. Both survived and when the horse pulled to a stop Lalli jumped off first, followed by Siv. Torbjörn helped Emil get up and Lalli saw how he swayed lightly. Emil practically fell off the wagon, but Lalli and Siv caught him, supported him to the house while Torbjörn stayed behind to pay for the ride.

Lalli placed Emil in the chair, helped him remove the shoes and the coat. He noticed that Emil's reactions had gotten a little faster during the ride and smiled at him. Emil didn't smile back, but Lalli noted that he at least met Lalli's eyes. A cry echoed through the house and Emil shut his eyes, put his hands over his ears and Siv hurried to the upper floor. Lalli heard her tell the kids to keep it down and then heavy steps came from the stairs as all three of them ran down.

"EMIL!" they yelled in unison.

Lalli instinctively stood up infront of Emil to stop the kids, although everything inside him screamed at him to hide. They tried passing him, but Onni and Siv caught up, stopped them. Torbjörn came inside and Lalli looked at him, saw him looking at the scene and then smiling nervously towards Siv.

"Honey, how about we take the kids to the park? I'm sure our guests can hold down the fort for an hour or three."

"Can Emil come too?"

The oldest of the Terrible Trio, Lalli still hadn't learned who was who and he got ready to defend Emil if they dared approach him, but Torbjörn crouched infront of the kids.

"Emil is very, very sick, he needs some peace and quiet so he can rest."

"We can take care of him!"

Emil yelped and Lalli backed up to him, placed a hand on his shoulder and hugged it.

"I'm sure he'll do well enough with Lalli's care. Don't you want to go to the playground?"

"But we want Emil to come along too."

"He will once he feels better. Come on now, put on your coats and then we'll head out."

The kids started running around and Lalli stepped back so he wasn't in the way. When they were dressed Torbjörn said good bye and opened the door. Emil's hand grabbed Lalli, pulled him back and he lost his balance, fell to the floor. Emil got up, took three quick steps to the door and pulled Torbjörn away from it, slammed it shut. He closed his eyes, leaned against the door and breathed heavily. Lalli looked at him, slowly got up from the floor and went up to Emil's side.

"...Emil?"

"Troll", Emil whispered. "There was..."

Lalli laid his hand on Emil's shoulder again and Emil glanced at him.

"...There wasn't a troll, was there?"

Lalli shook his head. The Three Terrors were looking at them and he placed his other hand on Emil's other shoulder, led him away from the door. Torbjörn looked at them, then slowly opened the door again. Siv ushered the kids outside while Torbjörn went up to Emil and Lalli.

"Are you going to be alright without us?"

It took a few seconds before Emil nodded and Torbjörn patted his arm, waved good bye and followed his wife outside. Emil sank down in the chair again, buried his face in his hands and Lalli knelt infront of him, rested his hand on Emil's knee and waited.

"I'm crazy", Emil whispered after a while.

"Not crazy", Lalli tried forcing a smile. "Just tired."

"I can't sleep..."

"I know", Lalli thought about the pills he had seen Siv hold. "Try anyway. I'll be there."

"I can't..."

Onni came up to them, looked at Lalli.

"Is your friend okay?"

Lalli shook his head.

"Help me."

Onni nodded, pulled Emil to his feet. Emil swayed, his face got paler and Lalli and Onni grabbed his arms to keep him upright.

"I can't let you be with him."

Lalli glared at Onni, started leading Emil towards the guest room and Onni followed along.

"I'm not leaving him."

"What if he hurts you again?"

Lalli touched the bruise Emil had given him before looking away.

"I don't care."

"I do", Onni answered, "and as your mentor you should listen to me."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

Emil almost tripped on the first step of the stairs, but Lalli and Onni caught him.

"Have to lift your feet", Lalli said.

Emil nodded and almost tripped on the step again. He took a shaky breath and Lalli bit his lip, looked at Onni. Onni let out a sigh and grabbed Emil around the waist. Emil didn't protest as Onni proceeded to almost carry him up the stairs. Lalli walked behind them, to make sure they didn't fall, and when they were safetly at the top of the stairs he went back to Emil's side and led him into the guest room. He noticed Tuuri sitting on her bed, but ignored her and helped Emil into the bed. Onni leaned against the door frame and Lalli wanted to tell him to stop staring, tell him to help or go away, but he didn't. Tuuri came up to his side, looked at Emil who was protesting weakly about getting wrapped up.

"How are you?"

Lalli shook his head and let go of the blanket, decided to momentarily forfeit that battle and fetch his mattress instead. Onni stepped in the way, his arms crossed over his chest and a stern look on his face.

"Emil?" Tuuri tried again.

Lalli stared back at Onni, listened as Emil moved in the bed.

"I need to be with him", Lalli said.

"Not sleepy", Emil mumbled tiredly.

Emil's mattress creeked, Lalli was certain Tuuri had sat down on it, but he couldn't take his eyes off Onni.

"We're not going to force you to sleep, you just need to lay down and rest, okay? Can you do that?"

The bed creeked again as Tuuri turned towards Lalli and Onni.

"What's wrong with him?" she asked. In Finnish, Lalli noted, so Emil wouldn't understand. He clenched his hands.

"Nothing wrong, just need to sleep", he answered.

"He's a danger to anyone near him", Onni said and passed Lalli. "I don't want either of you in his vicinity."

Lalli grabbed his mattres and hurried to place it next to Emil's bed while Onni was distracted with getting Tuuri away from Emil. Onni glared at Lalli when he noticed it and Lalli glared back. Twenty seconds, then Onni looked away.

"But if he hurts you again..."

Lalli nodded, pressed Emil down into the bed and made a new attempt to wrap the blanket around him. Emil didn't protest, just placed his arm over his eyes.

"Hurts?" Lalli asked and carefully placed his hand on Emil's head. Emil nodded and Lalli frowned, tried to smile. "Will feel better soon."

Emil didn't move and Lalli turned to his cousins, waited for them to leave the room, but Onni sat down on his bed and Tuuri gathered the cards she had been playing with, sat down next to her brother. Lalli let out a sigh, leaned his back against Emil's bed and watched as Tuuri and Onni played. Emil moved around a little and Lalli lifted his hand, placed it over Emil's and Emil tensed up, but relaxed again.

Siv and Torbjörn returned a couple of hours later with the three kids and after a stern glance from Tuuri Onni left to take care of them. At dinner time Lalli left Emil's side to get food for them. When he came back Emil was sitting up, his body drenched in sweat and his breathing quick. Lalli put the plates on the nightstand, sat down next to Emil.

"Okay?"

Emil started to nod, changed his mind and shook his head instead.

"Want to tell me?"

Emil started to shake his head, then he nodded. Lalli waited and Emil closed his eyes, leaned against the wall.

"...Nightmare", Emil muttered after a while.

Lalli waited, but Emil didn't say anything else and Lalli let out a sigh, picked the plates up again.

"Dinner. You should eat."

Emil opened his eyes. His face got slightly paler when he saw the food, but he accepted it. Once the two of them had finished Lalli put the plates away and tucked Emil in before laying down to rest himself. He woke up half an hour later because weird sounds were coming from Emil. He sat up, just as Emil leaned over the edge of his bed and threw up. Lalli got up, sat down on Emil's bed and stroke Emil's back. Emil's body shook and he rolled over to his back, placed his arm over his eyes.

"Sorry", he mumbled.

Lalli grabbed his blanket, dried off Emil's face.

"Nothing to worry about."

"I almost..."

"But didn't. Even if you had I can be cleaned."

"Mf."

Lalli dropped the blanket again, wrinkled his nose.

"Taking this out, okay?"

Emil nodded and Lalli gathered the mattress, the pillow and the blanket and carried them downstairs. Siv didn't ask when she saw him, only grabbed the things and sent him up again. Emil had fallen asleep, he trashed around in the bed and Lalli leaned against the door frame, looked at Emil. Taru stopped behind him, looked over his shoulder.

"How is he doing?"

Lalli shrugged, left the door frame and sat down on the bed, pulled his fingers through Emil's hair and looked at Taru. Emil calmed down a little and Taru smiled, waved good bye and left again. Lalli stopped stroking Emil's hair, climbed over him and laid down between Emil and the wall. His brain screamed slightly, his body tensed up, but he still wrapped an arm around Emil, pulled him closer. Emil stirred, opened his eyes and Lalli pulled his fingers through Emil's hair again.

"It's just me, no trolls. Go back to sleep."

Emil closed his eyes and Lalli waited for his breathing to relax. It didn't happen and after ten minutes Lalli spoke again.

"Why didn't you take the train?"

Emil tensed up. Lalli stopped playing with his hair and hugged his shoulder instead.

"I tried", Emil said after a while, "but..."

Lalli waited. Emil took a couple of shaky breaths and tried to move away, pressed closer.

"Every time, I... I kept seeing the giant..."

Lalli hugged Emil's shoulder tighter, wrapped the blanket tighter around him.

"I'm crazy, aren't I?"

"No, just..."

Lalli closed his eyes, took a tighter grip around Emil. Memories of what happened to his family danced across his mind, forced him to relive the worst moments of his life. His body shook and he opened his eyes again.

"It will get better", he whispered.

And over the following days that seemed to be the truth. Emil's nightmares got easier, finally let him sleep for more than ten minutes. Lalli continued keeping him company as he slept, woke him up when the nightmares got too bad. At the end of the week, when Lalli, Onni, Tuuri and Taru were getting ready to leave for Finland, a woman that reminded Lalli very much about Emil arrived. Lalli didn't trust her at first, didn't understand what she did there, and after Emil had introduced her as his mother Lalli's impression didn't change much. Where had she been when Emil needed her? Wasn't it a mothers duty to care for her child?

"She can't just skip work, you know", Emil said when Lalli asked about it.

And then it was good bye. Emil didn't follow them to the train station, he couldn't. Lalli understood, but he wasn't ready to say good bye, wasn't ready to leave. Tuuri dragged him away and he waved good bye, saw Emil smiling sadly as they left. They made it to the station just in time to board the train and Lalli looked towards Mora as the train left it. He clenched his hands, leaned against the window and prayed silently to the gods. He could only hope that Emil's nights would continue getting calmer even though he wouldn't be there to help him.


End file.
